When You're Down and They're Counting...

I have become the worst blogger in the whole world.
Luckily, though, the lack of posts have nothing to do with my inability to lose weight and has MORE to do with the fact that law school is hard.
Since I last posted, I have lost 4 pounds! Making a grand total of 11 pounds!
I am REALLY pleased about this. I have MANY successes to share, but there is one small bothersome thought that always gets to me.
This one small, bothersome thought? It's only 11 pounds. 
Having lost a lot of weight is mostly helpful: I know what I can eat in restaurants and the work outs I enjoy and how to stay motivated, etc. But having lost a lot of weight before also hurts-- because I have lost 125 pounds before.... and now it feels weird to get excited over 11 pounds. It's not bothersome enough to feel overly discouraged, but it does make me feel a little less proud. Which is dumb, I know. I remember when I lost the weight the first time, 11 pounds made me feel ecstatic and so accomplished. And I feel ecstatic... just not accomplished.
But then again, it is an accomplishment. Because every bit counts. Each pound lost gets me a little closer to being the healthy person I want to be.
So I'm trying to focus on my accomplishments and successes.
Which I will tell you about now!
Last weekend I had a long weekend for Presidents Day/Valentine's Day, so I went home and stayed with my parents. I am single and thus had no plans for Valentine's Day. So I decided I would take my nephews out to dinner and a movie so their parents could go on a date. But then when I got there, they decided they didn't want to go OUT for dinner, they wanted to get dinner AT the movie theater. The theater we were going to is new and has fancy food options, so I thought "I can get a hotdog and soda and be okay." But when we got there, they didn't have any hotdogs ready. All they had ready were nachos, popcorn, candy, soda, and ice cream. I got my nephews their candy and sodas (I'm not the best sister-- I will load the kids up with sugar and let them stay up late and then make their parents deal with them the next day. I should feel bad about this, but I kind of don't.) Then I thought "Ok, I'll get popcorn, but I'll get a medium size so I can share with the boys." So I got it, we went in, AND THE BOYS DIDN'T WANT MY POPCORN! They were all kind and sweet and say, "Oh no, we've got our candy. Thank you." And I just can't NOT EAT POPCORN. So yes, I ate the entire bag. By myself. I hadn't eaten much that day, though, and the day before I hadn't felt like eating so I didn't use all my points. So the popcorn was a bad choice, but I thought "I can work with it, though. It won't break my week."
But then the next day my family went out for lunch and dinner. I
 had expected to go to to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch and Sushi for dinner. So for lunch I got the Naked Tenders and fries- yes, fries. Because I planned for Sushi dinner! But then when we went for sushi, it was too crowded and had a long wait. So we decided to go to a Country Club my parents belong to, but they were serving a limited Valentines Day menu. Which meant I had about 3 options to choose from for each course and there was no way I could know the points value of whatever I ate. So I did the best I could. They were kind and offered to make me Roast Chicken even though it wasn't on their special menu. I had a little bread. There was a tiny salad with dressing. I was concerned, so I tried to keep a tally in my brain of what I thought the meal would "cost" me.
I must have done well because I lost 1.2 pounds. This may seem like a nominal amount, BUT, keep in mind that the week before I lost 2.8 pounds and this week was supposed to be the week I wouldn't lost much at all. So to have eaten how I did and still manage a loss is a big deal.
And you remember how I said I got a bag of Snickers and decided to keep them at a friend's desk at school? I opened it for the first time yesterday, but still didn't eat any. Just knowing it is there is enough to feel okay. I only opened it yesterday because I had asked a friend to do me a huge favor, and I gave him a handful as a thank you.
I feel pretty good about my progress so far despite that little bothersome thought. Of course I wish it happened faster, but at the same time I'm kind of glad it isn't happening faster. If my aim is to be healthy, I need this to be a slow but steady experience.
Now I need to get back to studying. I have TWO huge quizzes this week and a draft of my upper division writing requirement is due AND I need to rewrite a statute for my legal writing class. Such good times.
Have a good week everyone! Make good choices and be safe!

Stop- Think a little about what you got.

Down 2 pounds!

Sorry this blog is so late. It's harder to write these blogs now that I'm going to a morning meeting rather than an evening meeting. Before my routine was after my WW meeting to grab Subway, go home, turn on the Biggest Loser, and write the blog while I watched. Now, I have classes and work before going home. So it slipped my mind.
BUT, I didn't want to just skip this week. For one, BECAUSE I LOST! And for another, BECAUSE I HAD CHOCOLATE AND STILL LOST!
The chocolate is a big success for me this week. I was stressed and at school working. School hasn't been ridiculously difficult this semester, but the firm I work at via the internet has been needing me to work a lot more than usual.
So I was at school late one night, and I had like 10 Points left for the day, but I wasn't really hungry so much as just needing something sweet. The problem was I don't keep any food at my carrel and all the chocolate bars in the vending machine are over 12 Points. I knew myself well enough to know that if I bought a candy bar, I wouldn't be able to stop eating halfway.
So I was in great pain. I was craving chocolate so bad, but couldn't have any.
But could I?
I went downstairs and a buddy of mine was still at school, so I asked him if he wanted half of a Twix. WHO IS GOING TO SAY NO TO HALF A TWIX? NO ONE, PEOPLE, THAT'S WHO! And a single Twix bar is 6 points. So I got my chocolate, (which satisfied my craving) my buddy got free chocolate, and everyone's happy. AND I LOST!
So that was a good moment for me. It did get me thinking, though, that I needed a system at school where I could have access to chocolate that won't break me Points-wise but isn't at my desk all the time.
My solution: I bought a bag of Fun-Sized Snickers (4 Points) and asked another buddy if I could stash the bag in his carrel, which he agreed to. So now I know I have access to a bag of chocolates, but his carrel is not near mine, and I won't be tempted to go over there five times a day.
My struggle this week was still the doubt leftover from last weigh-in. I went to bed every night wondering if anything I'd done that day would help me at the scale. If I hadn't lost again this week, I would have been heartbroken and completely defeated.
Also, there was a night last week while I was waiting for sleep where the fear came back. I started remembering a bunch of experiences I had when I had lost all the weight, and it scared me. All I could do to calm myself was to acknowledge that I'd gone through it, and hopefully now I am smarter and will be able to not fall into the same problems.

This week's song is from Alice Russell's "Citizen." I heard the song on The Blacklist and immediately fell in love with it (As well as basically every other song from that show). I have lost a total of 7 pounds in 3 weeks. That is good. I am so relieved it is working again.
Be safe this week, everyone. Make good choices!